Graduation blues

 Graduation University for The Creative Arts

This is quite a personal post about how I am feeling post-graduation. You don't have to read, it's just a way of me expressing how I feel and knowing others are probably feeling the same.


I am quite vocal with how I am feeling the majority of the time, which wont come as a surprise to many of those who know me personally, but since graduating I have hit an all time low and have wanted to share my experiences about life after graduating with you all, especially since I know so many of you are anchored in the same boat. Someone very dear to me suggested I write this, not only to help myself out, but also to reach out to those of you who have similar feelings. 

I graduated in June this year with a 2.1 BA (Hons) in Fashion Journalism. I lived in London with three of my best girlfriends and life, although not perfect, was pretty much okay. I was taking each day at a time and was coming closer to finding myself, carving out my own path. This journey, I feel, came to a halt when I graduated. I feel this signified an end of everything that I had achieved. I had to pack up my life into boxes, swallow my pride, and head back home to my parents. Moving away from the city and from the people I had got used to seeing every day was tough, but crafting a new path for myself has been even more taxing. I knew finding work after graduating was going to be stressful and challenging, but I never expected it to hit me as hard as it has. The media industry is probably one of the most prestigious, thus making it one of the toughest to slither into; I guess I didn't prepare myself well enough for that. While a student at university interning became a staple in routine, it was something I knew I had to do, and something I genuinely relished. Though working for free was challenging at times, I did have a student loan and a part-time job to support me, as well as a London home to go back to. Since moving away it has become almost impossible for me to work for free and intern in the capital. I am simply too far out of London to be able to support myself while taking on an internship. Living out of London hinders my chances of claiming on expenses, and while the commute isn't dreadful, it costs a pretty packet each time. Most internships that I both need and want to do are full-time, and I would need a full time wage to allow myself to commute or live closer to my desired place of work. I could go on and on about how I think unpaid internships are elitist and only really available to certain people, but that's a debate I don't wish to disclose today.

I do feel I have gained sufficient experience during previous internships and work placements to progress into a job, but how ever many notable companies I have on my CV, it never seems enough. How many do I have to endure before I am deemed employable on a permanent level? I have been consciously applying for every suitable job in my field of expertise with 'junior' or 'assistant' in the job title. I have even started applying for paid internships because then at least I will be able to rent out a room in London, or pay for my train fare to commute. I just feel stuck in a rut and not up to the standard that I clearly need to be to be employed in a relevant job. Working mundane jobs to scrape by is really getting me down. I go to work most days and do a job I could have done before university, and a job that a trained monkey could do.

It's not only the lack of employment, though. I don't really know what it is sometimes. I try so hard to be positive, which for someone who struggles with their emotions on a larger scale, is difficult in itself, but I find positivity hard to fathom when you're set with constant knock backs. I feel alone. I could be surrounded by friends and still feel completely and utterly lost. At times I don't even know what direction I really want to steer my life towards and I guess we’ve all had those moments when we feel each and every one of our friends is doing something better; that is life I suppose. I am just searching for purpose. I want someone to believe in me and tell me I am good at something. I want my friends back, because although I probably haven't, I feel since graduating I have lost so many of them to distance alone. I get paranoid about everything and start to believe that I am insignificant in so many people's lives. The lives’ of those I hold most dear to me. 

I am trying though and I am starting to take some of my own advice, the advice I give to those who cry out to me: keep following the three p's: perseverance, positivity and proactivity. I will always keep applying for jobs, even if I don't feel worthy enough. I am trying to keep my spirits up, believing that one day it will happen, and I am trying to keep busy with staying proactive. I have recently started getting back into posting regularly and immersing myself as much as I can into the blogging world and the culture that surrounds it, as well as freelancing and writing at every chance I get.

I will get there one day, and you will too. If we take anything from life, it should be the wonderful opportunity to believe. There will always be belief and hope and that’s what we’ve got to hold on to. 



4 comments

  1. Aw Jem, this made me terribly sad, but do take comfort that a lot of us are in the same boat. It is a tough industry to crack, I'm fortunate I live just about close enough to London to make interning a reality. I too am now back on the unemployed horse at the end of the month, as my placement has sadly come to an end. I think it's going to be a major shock after being employed straight out of university for six solid months to go back to having no money and constant rejections, and even worse no replies from all the places I'm applying for. I too feel I now have more than enough experience, but it's just luck and getting people to take a chance on you. I miss you dearly, can't wait for you to be back here again but please know, you're not alone. We're at that awkward age post graduation and carving out a life for ourselves on our own is much harder than I had imagined. We're both independent people, so going back to living with parents and relying on their support is tough, you're lucky to have a job, however lowly it might be to you. I would be happy with anything to see me through the next few months, real life is a scary place. Let's go back to student loans and care free times please? :( x

    ReplyDelete
  2. You lucky! Love this post. Nice shoot great colors! xxx Love from London
    Regards,

    Katty

    http://shop.pixiie.net

    ReplyDelete
  3. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

    I'm also in the middle of a job-crisis (aka I desperately need one), but I may just have to keep interning. You'd think I've interned enough, already!

    - Elodie x

    http://www.elle-yeah.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey lovely,

    I just read this and you have exactly described how I felt for the last year and a half when I had to move home. I felt completely isolated and alone and felt like maybe I would just have to make do with working in retail because my financial situation and distance from London was keeping me back from following my dreams and that was just something I would have to deal with. I know what you are going through and how it can feel, it took me two years after University to get to the position I am in and it just completely came out of nowhere - I followed the Missguided PR account two days before they tweeted about my job and I still can't stop feeling like something will happen or like an intern or something still. You will get there though, I believe in you. I had all but given up and not written or applied for anything all year until September when I applied for my job now. It might take time, and tears and everything else but I know you want it so much, and you will find your way. Moving home from London I felt exactly the same and I have lost touch, or am not as close, with some people who were my world just a few years ago and it is very upsetting - however I have maintained relationships with some of the best girls I know and now even though I am further away I know they are just a text message away. People will be thinking of you as much as you are thinking of them <3 Sometimes you have to take risks too, I pretty much handed my notice in at Topshop because I wanted to intern at Company so badly, and in the end the let me have my way and took me back when I had finished so I could do it.

    If you ever want to talk or need anything then just let me know because I know what a heart ache it can be and all the doubts that are thrown up after graduating, it is potentially the biggest anti-climax in the world and you feel so under prepared. xxxxx

    ReplyDelete

Latest Instagrams

© Floral Etiquette - UK beauty, fashion and lifestyle blog. Design by Fearne.