END OF MONTH REFLECTION // JANUARY

an image of iPhone 6s rose gold with unicorn case
January. Oh bleak old January; It's time to say goodbye my old friend. I started monthly reflections last year, and for the most part, I failed. I think I managed the first six or seven months before I admittedly gave up. I can't imagine it was because of lack of words, more so I was getting on with things rather than dwelling; it's a running theme these days and I'm not sure if I should see it as a good or a bad thing. I've decided this year that I am going to give these monthly rambles another shot, because I genuinely rather enjoy them. Call it word vomit if you will, but it will probably be the only time of the month that I sit down and really think, really reflect. I'm sure many of you feel the same; that you have no time to sit down and rekindle the warming - or rather harrowing at times - relationship with your mind, there's just no time. Well, we need to make time. I am thankful that my thoughts have been muted for quite some time, I guess that's part of the recovery process of overcoming now distant, rattling memories. Sometimes they jump up on me, but for the most part, the damaging thoughts of my mind are at bay. I don't know what's happening to me, but I often feel quite positive about things. That feeling may only last for a split second, but it's progress and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have learnt you can recover from most things. That's why the above quote stood out to me; it was a realisation. Progress is progress, no matter how small.

These fleeting moments of sheer positively - sheer hope - have pushed me to change the things that were making me so unhappy. This month I joined the gym. Yes, that was the easiest part (well, don't get me started on how expensive the privilege to exercise in a gym with four walls is), but I have actually kind of stuck at it. I eased myself in gently and I do two-three times a week; three on a good week, two if I am super busy or exhausted, but it's a start. I've been cutting out the refined sugar again (apart from the odd naughty treat and the high sugar content of my Belvita addiction but sshhh), and have been listening more to my body. I actually feared at one point I would turn into a vegetable, I basically live off of meat and two six veg. I'm trying to spice the diet up so I am not eating the same thing every night and end up giving myself up to the confectionery isle in Sains because I'm bored, but I suppose it is going ok. For the most part though, I am not being overly strict with myself, so if I want to eat a god damn brownie or have a G&T I will, BUT in moderation. I've noticed a little change in my body, but I am determined to stick at it because I understand these things are gradual and take time. I have a goal of getting into a bikini by August because (in my adult life) I have never worn one. I think I will cry genuine tears of happiness if I can wear one without feeling like a beached whale.

Another positive thing to come out of January was that I got a promotion at work. You're now looking at a Deputy Editor, which means I get to write about beauty for another year, yay!  Despite all of this, I am glad to see the back of January and having my bank account topped up a little bit again after the longest post Christmas break (until next week when I have pissed it up the wall on lentil crisps (latest addition) and lipstick!), but I am so ready for February because... PANCAKES (maybe we should try protein ones this year...hmm maybe not.) I know you get me. Are you also happy to see the back of January?

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